I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
