Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
