We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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