You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
