True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
