Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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