he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
