his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
