I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think i have two assholes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
