I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
