I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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