I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
