It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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