Im at strip club and am horny
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
