i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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