I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
