i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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