are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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