yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize