Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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