I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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