You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
