I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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