8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize