You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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