Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
