barbara walters just said penis...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
