her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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