just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
