I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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