i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
