sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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