I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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