C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
