It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
