Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
