sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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