I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
