hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
