New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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