you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
