Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
handjob tips. give me some.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
