Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
