why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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