she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
