Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
