I wish I could teleport
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
