she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
