How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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