She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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