Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
